The Anti-spazmatics Are Working

I know it's been a while since I've updated my blog. Call it the sun, call it my job, call it a cow on the road, but I just haven't done it for no particular reason at all and I'm sorry . . .

I can say that the pains have all but been controlled by a little sub-lingual pill (a pill that dissolves under my tongue). My doctor took my case before several 'congresses' across the country and Europe. They all recommended that he attempt one more endoscopy to try and open up my pancreatic duct. However, he asked me if I would be willing to try this 'one thing' first. He wanted to rule out smooth muscle spasms. I'll be honest, I don't like the pain, but I know that it's not going to kill me to be uncomfortable for a few more weeks. At this point it's been almost eight months. What's a few more weeks? Plus, I wouldn't have to miss more work, so what the heck -- I'm game!

My only concern was the term "smooth muscle relaxer." So I asked him, (and I quote) "Is it going to make me poop myself?"

Now, I've never seen this man crack a smile, I've always confused him too much, but you would have thought I was tickling his ribs.

He responded, "Umm, do you poop yourself now?"

My HONEST answer, "No."

He responded, "Then this shouldn't do that either. It's a smooth muscle relaxer not a sphincter relaxer!"

Well, I have to admit, it's my little miracle pill. When I take it now, within 2-minutes, the pain is gone! There is a more "permanent" solution: botox injections into my pancreas once a year. Although this seems like a viable solution, I'm going to discuss staying with the less invasive sub-lingual pill. I feel it may be a more prudent option since we don't really know why my pancreas is doing this.

If it ain't broke, don't fix it, right?

Valentines Day

I decided today to do some things I have not been able to do for a while. For those of you close to me, you know I tend to over-do-it, but don't worry, I didn't; just ask Adam if you don't believe me. He kept a good watch over me! We went out to breakfast (at 11:30 am), played fetch with my dogs, then gave them a bath, and pruned back a few wild blackberry vines next to our pond. Adam just headed out to pick up a pizza (classic vegetarian, of course) and then we are going to watch a movie on TV.

I simply love doing the 'every day' stuff. It was especially nice to get off the couch! Slowly, I'm trying to move more and bend and twist in ways that I feared before. Although it's not nearly what I could do before I got sick, it was wonderful being outside being productive.

What a wonderful Valentines Day!!!

My "Last" Visit (well, at least for a while)

I know it may seem like I have not been keeping everybody informed, but that's only because nothing has happened - and I mean nothing. I still have the pain, and only silence from the doctors and radiologists.

On Tuesday I finally got the call that they wanted to do another MRCP (a special type of MRI that traces the biliary system) with some type of contrast that the doctor's assistant said would make me 'violently ill'. Yea for me! Right after that scan I was to go to the surgeon's office and meet with him, the resident, and the GI specialist.

I am happy to say I didn't get 'violently ill,' instead I felt like I drank a lot of warm Root beer. You know the feeling: like it's shaken up in your tummy and you're afraid you're gonna puke it up, but somehow you keep it down? - well, that was the feeling. The bad part was that after they gave me the injection, they didn't turn the volume up on the headphones I was wearing to hear the tech so I didn't hold my breath at all during the scan like you are supposed to. Erhg. Good news, the scans came out clean, despite my lack of participation.

Once inside the doctors office, he said that they confirmed that my pancreas was draining, but not fully. The short reason: suspected pancreatitis (an inflammation of the pancrease). They have used all the best equipment, brought in all the brightest professionals and have boiled it down to this. If it is pancreatitis, it should calm down eventually, especially with out more tests that poke at and aggravate it, but it could take several more months. The other option is a pancreaticoduodenecotmy (surgery to remove part of the pancrease, duodenum, and do hook up more intestine to 're-plumb' the area.) This is also known as a "Whipple's operation." It's a 10-12 hour surgery, and in my case would be very complicated.

These were two extreme options on opposite sides of what would seem to be a very broad spectrum. One is to do nothing, the other to carve out more of my organs. I said to the surgeon, "Is there any grey area here? - any 'middle of the road' treatment?" Nope. It's one or the other.

I guess my expression said it all - let's go conservative. If I still feel this way in 6-12 months, we'll consider surgery. He agreed. In fact, he was concerned as this would be my sixth abdominal surgery in that area and that is not a good thing for anybody. Not me, and it wouldn't be all that easy for him either.

So the boil down is this: I just gotta deal with it and hope it goes away. After thousands and thousands of dollars we're not doing anything. At least not for now. (Is this good?? - yes, I think.)
In the meantime, I'll be trying to do normal activities up to my comfort level. Adam is bringing in the treadmill from the garage. Regardless of the plan, the doc said I have to loose 20-30 pounds to do anything predictable. Since movement is painful, I figure a slow easy walk indoors is probably the best way to get started. I'm already settling into my new vegetarian diet, so it's a good time to add something else.

Thank you for all your prayers. There is so much I'd like to type tonight, but let's be honest . . . you probably have other things to do. I will say that until recently, I had forgotten that the most important tool God gave my is my body, and well, I guess you could say I haven't been a good steward with that gift. Please pray that I will have the courage to get my strength back, and the dedication to keep my instrument well tuned.

"Meatless Meatballs"

My mom always said, "If you can read, you can cook." Basically, following a recipe to it's every word should yield a fruitful return. My response to this: [I guess] I cannot read. I've tried two recipes in the last two days and have ruined both. However, I have also have been able to salvage both.

Today's challenge was the Meatless Meatballs. I thought it would be good as a Super Bowl snack and what the heck, a little barbecue sauce covers a lot of sins. Amie, Ralph and the kids came over early this afternoon and together, Amie and I used the botched concoction with the creativity of our combined cooking experiences, actually came up with something very good! Now, I'm not sure how the recipe was supposed to taste, but ours tasted pretty darn good! - and we didn't have to smother it in barbecue sauce. Even the kids liked it, so you know it's not a freakish food abomination.

I'm so proud I took a picture . . . yep that's them . . . at least that's what they looked like before I ate them! The moral of this story: Just because you can read does not mean you can cook, but two friends working together can overcome any obstacle!

Beans, Beans the Musical Fruit . . .

I'm trying to go vegetarian, but that means that since I won't be eating meat, I have to eat beans. The only beans I like are Jelly Beans, so this is a big hurdle for me to jump. It's more of a texture issue than anything, but I'm really committed to this new lifestyle. So yesterday I ate Garbanzo Beans in a Wild Green Salad, and Black Beans in a Naked (no tortilla) Vegetarian Burrito. Yes mom, I ate my beans - and it was pretty good. I guess I'm growing up.

My Official Diagnosis: "Cute As A Button"

I know I said I'd update the blog tomorrow, but since nothing will change tomorrow morning, I decided to tonight.

We saw Dr. Traverso, the surgeon at his office and his resident. It was a strange beginning, actually. He introduced himself to us and as nice introduction, asked what we did for a living, and where we lived. When Adam said, "Graham," the doctor said, "Why?" I explained that we move to Puyallup because of housing prices, then to Graham after Herb died and my mom moved in, although I couldn't figure out why he actually wanted to know. Suddenly he looked at Adam, after being excited that he was a contractor and said, "Come with me," then took him out of the room - leaving me with the intern! The Intern looked at me and said, " . . . distracted with the first question . . ." It turns out the doctor took Adam to look at a map of Washington State to see where we lived. His reason: he likes to know where everyone lives. Strange.

So after about an hour long consult consisting of my recounting my surgical history, the more resent "hot-potato" referral game for the last 6-weeks, and some poking at my tummy, he and the intern started reading aloud my previous surgical reports. They each would read a portion look at each other and say in unison, "so they left the blah-blah-blah," or "she has a blah-blah-blah," obviously painting a mental picture no one else in the room could see. He kinda' translated by telling me something we had never heard: I am totally unique, they don't know what's going on, and they need to run more tests. Then he followed it up by saying, "But you're cute as a button!" Thank you? Then he started dictating into his phone saying, "Patient is a 32-year old woman referred by Dr. Kozarek . . . presented with abdominal pain . . . history of . . . biliary system and surrounding structure is a (long pause) conundrum," and shut of the recorder.

So I like him, although he is a bit bazaar. He seems comfortable and confident, a little bit like a "fun Bob" yet one that drives his interns crazy, but is unwilling to do surgery until he has a specific goal with an executable plan. I like that.

Tomorrow, I'll have a CT scan because yep, the one I ruined Friday - missed the very thing they needed to see. So they gave me some Valium and an appoint for a redo tomorrow afternoon. And he wants a new test . . . a little piece of my poo to evaluate (gross). I have to keep it in the fridge until I turn it in. Hopefully Josh will not mistake it for left overs!

I feel good about our progress today; his ideas are in line with our intuition. Please continue to pray for our direction, and continued discernment of the doctors, radiologists and surgical team we've been teamed up with, and that together we'll find a cure. God has been good to us, and I have faith that his goodness does not end!

Living every moment

I have an appointment for a consult with a surgeon at Virgina Mason this afternoon to discuss our 'options' for continued care. I'm not really sure what we have to talk about at this point because there hasn't been any real progress in determining what exactly is wrong, or how my pancreas works. From what I can tell, we're just bringing this guy on the team, and up to speed with what we know or don't know. I'm supposed to call Dr. Kozarek's office tomorrow morning (after they talk following today's appointment) to see what the next step is. According to Jessica, Kozarek's assistant, and my valued gift from God, we are either looking at surgery, or a tag-team endoscopy / endoscopic ultrasound with Dr.'s Gan and Kozarek.

Eek!

This weekend was a good weekend for me. I must apologize that I've been a little pessimistic in my last few entries. I think it may have been because of all the meds I was wearing off coupled with the pain resulting from all the treatment/tests/surgeries last week.

On Sunday, I decided that I was going to start taking control of the things I could take control of instead of being kept captive by the situation. In other words: making lemon aid out of the lemons I've been given. I decided that I'm going to go back to work for at least two, four hour days and wear scrubs instead of professional office attire. (Restrictions of any kind of clothing like pants, belts, even wearing a bra, accentuates the pain to the point of unbearable, but scrubs and an undershirt will still look appropriate in a dental office and be comfortable for me.) I'm going to start walking for 10 minutes a day, no matter how far I get to, to try to build up some stamina. If I do have to have surgery, I need to be able to recover quickly. During my last 'illness' as a teen, my muscles atrophied so badly that I was unable to walk and had to relearn with physical therapy. Adam would help guide me down the hospital hallway then carry me back to my bed when I could not go any further - and I was only seventeen! Being thirty-two now means I won't be as quick to recover, so I need to get ready.

I'm also going to start asking for help when I need it. I know I'd help my friends, so I should allow them to help me. In fact, I asked my oldest and dearest friend to take me grocery shopping - and she said yes! Everyone is always willing to help, I'm just always too prideful to accept it and that's just down right stupid of me. "Pride goes before a fall . . ." and if I fall now, I'll definitely need help getting back up, so why wait for the inevitable??

So, yesterday I went to work for a few hours and did somethings I actually wanted to do, that didn't involve the TV or immense energy, but were utterly enjoyable. It was a very encouraging and healthy day for me, and a special "Thank you," to thoes who were a part of it!

I'll update this blog tomorrow morning with what we find out since we probably won't find out too much today. Please pray for us today as it could be a real turning point in my care. Thanks for everything, guys! This has been so much eaiser with your prayers and support. I don't think Adam or I would be sane without it!