Living every moment

I have an appointment for a consult with a surgeon at Virgina Mason this afternoon to discuss our 'options' for continued care. I'm not really sure what we have to talk about at this point because there hasn't been any real progress in determining what exactly is wrong, or how my pancreas works. From what I can tell, we're just bringing this guy on the team, and up to speed with what we know or don't know. I'm supposed to call Dr. Kozarek's office tomorrow morning (after they talk following today's appointment) to see what the next step is. According to Jessica, Kozarek's assistant, and my valued gift from God, we are either looking at surgery, or a tag-team endoscopy / endoscopic ultrasound with Dr.'s Gan and Kozarek.

Eek!

This weekend was a good weekend for me. I must apologize that I've been a little pessimistic in my last few entries. I think it may have been because of all the meds I was wearing off coupled with the pain resulting from all the treatment/tests/surgeries last week.

On Sunday, I decided that I was going to start taking control of the things I could take control of instead of being kept captive by the situation. In other words: making lemon aid out of the lemons I've been given. I decided that I'm going to go back to work for at least two, four hour days and wear scrubs instead of professional office attire. (Restrictions of any kind of clothing like pants, belts, even wearing a bra, accentuates the pain to the point of unbearable, but scrubs and an undershirt will still look appropriate in a dental office and be comfortable for me.) I'm going to start walking for 10 minutes a day, no matter how far I get to, to try to build up some stamina. If I do have to have surgery, I need to be able to recover quickly. During my last 'illness' as a teen, my muscles atrophied so badly that I was unable to walk and had to relearn with physical therapy. Adam would help guide me down the hospital hallway then carry me back to my bed when I could not go any further - and I was only seventeen! Being thirty-two now means I won't be as quick to recover, so I need to get ready.

I'm also going to start asking for help when I need it. I know I'd help my friends, so I should allow them to help me. In fact, I asked my oldest and dearest friend to take me grocery shopping - and she said yes! Everyone is always willing to help, I'm just always too prideful to accept it and that's just down right stupid of me. "Pride goes before a fall . . ." and if I fall now, I'll definitely need help getting back up, so why wait for the inevitable??

So, yesterday I went to work for a few hours and did somethings I actually wanted to do, that didn't involve the TV or immense energy, but were utterly enjoyable. It was a very encouraging and healthy day for me, and a special "Thank you," to thoes who were a part of it!

I'll update this blog tomorrow morning with what we find out since we probably won't find out too much today. Please pray for us today as it could be a real turning point in my care. Thanks for everything, guys! This has been so much eaiser with your prayers and support. I don't think Adam or I would be sane without it!